020510

I've always thought that, were I a witch (in a Harry Potter universe, of course) that I would enjoy studying Potions. (Preferably with a different teacher than Snape.) I think I'd be decently good at it. I like the idea of following a "recipe" exactly to make something perfect. I think that's why math appeals to me. If you follow the rules exactly, then the intended result will happen every time. If it doesn't, you did something wrong. Try again. And the idea of measuring and finding the perfect ingredient to make the perfect potion appeals to me. Perhaps it's because I like to cook.

But then, when I think of it that way, it's rather intimidating. I like to cook, but I don't know how to deviate from a recipe or really how to make one up. I don't know how to use spices. I don't know the magical properties of various ingredients. Remember? Math-minded. I have to follow someone else's recipes. I don't know how to be creative.

Oh, but it'd be different in a magical world, I tell myself. I would be in Potions classes that would teach me just that. I'd learn what the properties of various ingredients are. And then I'd be able to deviate with confidence, kind of like Harry in The Half-blood Prince. I'd be awesome.

And then it hit me. I can do that with cooking. If I really wanted to be awesome at cooking like the fictional witch in me thinks I would be, I could. At Hogwarts I'd have to learn those in a class. I'd end up doing research and writing papers on various Potion ingredients… but I'd learn them. It may take 7 years at school, but I'd do it. I'd have the desire. So why not do that in real life? Why not transfer that same study to my Muggle self? I could study up on various ingredients and their properties in cooking/baking/etc. and then I'd be able to use them properly. I would be able to use trial and error.

Of this, I must ponder.

020210

Instant gratification.

I like to believe that I'm a frugal person. I like to believe that I'm smart with money. Granted, I can date my wisest money decisions to after I was married to BJ. Apparently I need him to be wise with money. :) Then again, he tells me that I'm the one who manages our money so wisely. So I guess the combination of us is the real winner. Anyway, point is, I do a lot to save money and pay off debt fast. (If all goes according to plan, we could pay off our mortgage in 7 years. Granted, that assumes that we'll still be living here and won't have bought a second home while renting out this one…)

I have a flaw. I can live without a lot of things, but when I want something. When I really want something. I want it now. Recently I decided that I wanted a food processor. Well, that's a lie. I decided it a long time ago. And so far, it's been on my list of things that I really want but can't afford, so I'll continue to live without until I become rich. Also on my Christmas Wish List. Recently, however, I decided that I don't want to wait that long. Problem is, within an hour of that decision, I also did our budget and realized that we're poor. And since I won't be working this year, we'll have less money to spend than we did last year. And we'll have a mortgage for all of the year instead of only half with a much cheaper rent for the other half. And Kessa will start eating more and so we'll have another mouth to feed. And clothe. (Kessa. Not her mouth.) And what if I get pregnant? There are lots of costs with that. (Which, tangentially, I'm seriously considering doing my next birth at a birthing center or at home. Crazy? Perhaps. But it just feels right. Plus, they'll let me eat during labor. But… more on that later, I'm sure.)

Where was I? Oh yeah. I want a food processor. At the same time I realize that we need to cut back on spending. A lot. You see the problem? Yeah. Well, being brilliant, I found a solution! I could cut costs by limiting our grocery budget to $200/month. Or rather, $100/paycheck. I've had a grocery budget before, but unless I'm really paying attention and tracking closely, I often don't live by it. I needed another way. So I pulled $100 cash out of the bank. That's all I get for groceries this paycheck. So I planned 2 weeks worth of meals, making them yummy, but cheap. Then I went grocery shopping. I actually had to keep a running total in my head. (That didn't work since I was on the phone with Mom, so she got a calculator and kept a running total for me.) I haven't done that in a very long time. But I did it. I left the store with a short list to get at another store and $50.56 in my wallet. I didn't go to the other store. And it looks like I'm going to be able to cross a meal or two off my list anyway (other dinners are cropping up other places) so I don't think I'll need to buy that extra stuff. Maybe I'll end up with $50 this paycheck! That would be a great start. I want a nice food processor. Like, $200 worth.

Long story short, I ended up looking up a specific (yet random) food processor on Amazon. It just happened to be 47% off. $99. But the sale ended the next day. [sigh] I might have $50, but I don't have $99. And I won't even get a chance for that other $49 until the next paycheck. Which is much past the next day. Decisions. Do I stick with my goal of saving up cash for it? (Ok, I had cash for it, but that was supposed to go to savings. It's not like I'd be going into debt to buy it.) Or do I save $100 now? I mean, $100 is a lot of money. I would be frugal to save that much money. But I would also be frugal to save up my money first.

Decisions!

I bought the food processor after talking it over with BJ. I mean, chances of me getting a nice one for $99 later? Slim. I'd have to save up for twice as long and end up spending more money. But we compromised my two decisions. I bought it today, but I can't use it until I've saved up the money and paid back our savings.

I really want to use that food processor. Like, now.

Instant gratification.

All day today my mind has been thinking, "Stop sitting at the computer! Go save some money!" … And how do you plan on doing that, Mind? I don't have an income. I have to save money. Not earn it.

I suppose I could go start crocheting some hats and stuffed animals and hope that I could get someone to buy them. But what are the chances that I'd get someone to buy them RIGHT NOW? [sigh]

But I want it.

I don't even have it now and I'm already coveting the use of it.

How am I supposed to teach my children delayed gratification?

But doesn't being frugal for so long and being so far out of debt count for anything??

Just deal with it, Tianna. Buck up. Grin and bear it. You'll get it soon enough. Much sooner than you would have otherwise. Much, much sooner. Just hide it when it comes, and forget about it.

Good luck with that.